Confronting Gender Bias Head-On, Part I

I wouldn't take the writer's failure to mention her own accomplishments as a sign that she has none. A lot of women have a hard time with self-promotion. As it happens, I've been in her situation and watched as my superiors gradually discovered that they'd gotten themselves a sack of fool's gold.

I'd say that having it out with the kid is the last thing she should do. He appears to be a smooth operator and ruthless, and he will use against her any weaknesses she exposes to him. That sort doesn't want to collaborate. Rather, she should meet with her superiors and discuss what she can do to further the interests of the company, without bringing him into the conversation at all--instead, she should find ways to highlight her own achievements and the things she has in common with them. One thing the responders certainly get right is that she has an institutional advantage. It wouldn't hurt her to pretend a sense of entitlement--you know, fake it until she makes it--because she *is* far more entitled than he is.

When this guy trys to deligate work you should question his authority to do so. Sounds like this guy isn't doing his own work.
In addition you may want to see if there is any way you can grow a work relationship with some of the senior managers.
Somtimes you need to realize that this smart guy may just outsmart himself. Ambitious workers of this type sometimes are promoted and sometimes they leave for greener pastures. If you like your job continue to do what you can to continue doing a good job. Try not to let this guy take advantage of you and out survive him.

Well sexism is real and you can't change jobs to improve it (well maybe but it is a very long shot that another business will not be sexist)

The best way to deal with sexism is to go around, behind, in-between in front of or jump over the sexism but do not let it stop you and your ambitions.

Pearl Fryar (topiary artist in SC) says:

"There's always gonna be obstacles. The thing is, you don't let those obstacles determine where you go."

I would recommend applying for another job. He's better, smarter, faster, expects more, deserves more, and gets it; you don't. So, if you can't live with it, go.

Wondering why life isn't fair will get you as far as trying to state that you have foreign policy experience because you can see Russia from Alaska.

If you do not love what you do enough to do it without being given status, money, promotions, or a lift up the ladder; jump off of it - think about what you really truly love, and do it. Intention is 100% of the game.

- CEO of a firm

Delegating the best work to win over a peer is an act of maturity. However, there's no information about the desirability of the work delegated, or the management style used to delegate the work.

The writer says that the man delegates "with ease," which to me indicates that others are following his lead. There is no indication that the man has done anything to exclude his female colleague or that the senior managers, male and/or female, have done anything to exclude her either. References to an "old boy network" are sexist and harmful to the discussion, and aren't supported by the facts.

There may also be important difference of perception on the role of "entitlement" and "relationships." While the female believes these are the qualities that have caused the new employee to succeed, it may be that he is succeeding due to his skill, talent, and maturity.

My advice to her would be to follow his lead because everyone else in the firm seems to believe that he's the future, and he's willing to delegate to her now. If she holds out longer then she may in fact be left in the dust, but will likely be out the door instead.

There is nothing in the woman's letter that indicates a desire to harm her younger colleague professionally, but rather a call for help in how to leverage the existing system so she doesn't get left in the dust. If the officer is changing work at will, ordering peers as if they were charges rather professional colleagues, and cultivating relationships with an "old boy network" to his advantage, all are indications there is a maturity issue at play.

VirginiaReader1, the writer appears to be seeking advice on how to harm a male colleague who has done nothing to harm her. She states no example where the man conclusively acted to harm her interests at all. There's also no indication that the man is less experienced or less talented or even less mature. He is younger, true, but let's not allow blind age discrimination against young people to bias us against a person in the analysis.

I'm wondering if your rival's networking and communication skills are being noticed by your clients as well as your superiors. If your bosses are getting feedback that their consulting clients are drawn to your rival, noticing the same charisma and energy that is bonding him to your bosses, they may be grooming him for higher position because he promises to be a good rainmaker for the firm down the road. He is obviously good at building relationships that help him get what he wants, which would be vital in a consulting firm trying to bring in business.

To me, this sounds more like the classic introvert/extrovert rivalry. As an introvert myself, I certainly sympathize. I don't see much evidence that it has much to do with his gender, or his sense of 'entitlement.' He's just taking what's available; certainly many women do this too, if they can get away with it.

(The writer does think that a woman wouldn't be as successful with this set of male senior managers, to be sure. She may be right, I can't say. It just sounds like it's more a matter of charisma and energy, because I don't see how his sense of 'entitlement,' or his gender, would help him enlist his peers to complete his work.)

Nor do I see that her seniority should entitle her to the next promotion in their work group, if her rival has mastered his current job and has made a case that he could do the next job better. He's clearly better at delegating, a core skill for senior managers. If there's a sense of entitlement here, I'd say it's the woman's, assuming that seniority should be rewarded with that promotion over the ability to do the next job better.

The one thing that I didn't notice in the question was whether the writer or the rival is actually doing more or better work. She didn't mention whether he was shirking his own work as he 'delegates' part of it. If he is pulling his own weight, and enlisting others to work with him to get more done, that's one thing. If he is pulling a Tom Sawyer, that puts an entirely different complexion on the situation. Advice on what to do going forward would hinge on this question, I'd think.

BLASMAIC, I think the concern about gender bias is more on the part of the company than on the young man (who likely is taking advantage of its existence -- the privilege of being privileged...). The issue, I think, is the writer believes the company has placed a younger, more junior in rank, less experienced male employee in a position of authority and is ignoring her seniority, experience and authority. Do not know your gender, but in my own experience this is happening in spades for reasons previously stated.

I agree that the advice given is not only unhelpful, but very likely counterproductive. I wouldn't take the guy anywhere to discuss my feelings--guys don't do that. You need to keep work at work.

Either you figure out how you can do the guy thing and tell him directly he cannot assign you work or change your work, or find your own style to resist (like smiling and telling him that right now you just cannot accept another project without talking to your superior first, and then suggest how he could take on a part of one of your projects). And you should probably consider projects or initiatives you can take, then talk to your supervisor about them.

As it is, he's playing his game, you've got to figure out yours.

I still haven't seen any indication of gender bias. The things the co-worker is doing to advance himself aren't diminishing the writer's opportunities. Nowhere was it stated that the male colleague or other males in leadership had done anything to create a workplace that was hostile to any individual or any group. And heck, even females attempt to establish good working relationships with male superiors. That's just good sense.

Correcting a colleague's obvious and gross errors is often required because allowing a team member, especially a workplace minority, to get blind-sided is harmful to the whole organization.

Likewise, expecting reciprocity from a colleague who you've helped is normal, and involving the whole team in the important project is required of men who lead. Delegating the most essential parts of a project to a peer is not condescention.

After all that, the man has a female co-worker seeking to "leverage his behavior to my advantage."

You're letting him walk all over you. He's not your boss--if one of my peers tried that BS delegating tasks to me, I would immediately get in his face and call him on the carpet.

It's a given that some people will use any means available to advance in their careers.

Where I work--it's the females who are networking and only promoting their own. On top of that - I've seen many yuppie females immediately gang up on the few male middle-managers left or just go around them to their female superiors. Whatever they want they seem to get....trips, promotions, face-time, etc. Even new female hires get window offices where higher-grade middle-aged males used to sit.

Is there gender bias? You bet there is.

Amen, QUINCYPYNKE. You put into words my previously expressed concern about the advice proffered. I wouldn't, under any circumstances, open up to this young man at all (or a woman in the same position). Too many are so in it for themselves that they'll find a way to twist any honest comments into something they're not in an effort to hurt the "Female With Seniority" and better their own position. She is best focusing on what she can do in a positive way -- even if I still think her hard work will be ignored -- than finding a mature way to let the younger officer understand that she is not his charge to order around. Just do not see it happening (i.e., that he'd take it positively vice as an attack, and attack back).

I think that the advice given to you is deeply flawed, and may result in exacerbating your problems. I do not think that this individual, the way you describe him, has any interest in the firm. His interest is limited solely to his own advancement and he will throw anyone under the bus to achieve that. By opening yourself up to him and speaking candidly I believe that you will only expose your vulnerabilities to him. He may seem interested and genial, but this is likely to be false.

So how to deal with him? First of all, don't allow him to see your hurts or weaknesses. Keep him at at a distance but on a slightly warmer-than-neutral professional relationship - he may wind up being your boss. Watch your step and try to keep your mistakes hidden from him. Most of all, be patient and bide your time.

This person is either truly talented or just precocious. If he is truly talented then he will rapidly rise to the top and he will start battling with the senior executives. If he is precocious then he will soon start making mistakes. Either way he will soon be making enemies in middle and senior management who will feel threatened by him. He may also be gathering sycophants who will want to ride his coat-tails, so keep your counsel to yourself about him with your colleagues. Above all, don't appear to be a threat to him - stay neutral.

It may be that before long a major battle comes about and you may be lucky enough to be able to stick a knife in his back from a direction that he will least expect.

Sounds as if there's going to be an interesting time ahead in your company - relax, sit back and enjoy the show.

Oh - and keep your resume polished...

just in case!

I have seen lots of people, male and female, like the aggressive male described here. The woman is making the mistake of comparing her life with a snapshot of his. Many times I have been amazed to find out that people like the male in this story rise but hit some awful roadblock or tragedy farther up the line. Comparing is inevitable, but don't get carried away with it. My advice: Always be straighforward but diplomatic, never lie, and always be generous to the people around you. This will pay off in many ways, including real (as opposed to false) pride and self satisfaction.

Comments so far, with the exception of one, seem to fall into the category of "the privilege of being privileged is not having to recognize your privilege." I am hopeful for part two of this answer, as I feel part one falls short of providing meaningful strategies for this women, who is facing a situation many of us do (just look at the corporate and government statistics and the paucity of women at the top of the corporate ladder). I believe this issue -- of women wallowing in middle management while alleged "more talented" younger, less experienced men are chosen to move up the ranks -- is a chronic problem in business and government. I do not feel our culture is yet ready to accept women as leaders, for various reasons including that many men have difficulty accepting that a woman can do a job as well and (egads) some of them better than men. If this woman takes the tactic of trying to "fit in," "being one of the boys," likely it will not work (she is NOT one of the boys, and she will never be accepted as one; plus, she will alienate female peers and subordinates, who will view her as a sell-out). Accepting the situation as is in an effort to move ahead means she will have to hold her tongue about the very policies she is expressing concerns about. Many corporate leaders only want to hear that what they're doing is right, and good, and do not wish to hear suggestions for doing better (which is implied criticism, which neither men nor women take well from women). Witness the Wall Street mess. Anyone -- male or female -- who spoke up did not move up. They were not "team players." When I think about the suggestion of taking the younger man to lunch, I cringe. I think of my own circumstances (the individuals I would take to lunch if this were my plan) and am dubious it will work, and concerned it will backfire. As for finding her "niche" by focusing on professional strengths and focusing on what will do good for the company, yes that's good. The mistake is giving hope that it will necessarily lead to greater professional recognition. She probably will be ignored. Until the culture changes and the company truly bases moving up on merit vice promoting those with whom they feel most comfortable socially, our female writer likely will be stuck in middle management.

Sounds like a jilted female to me. I noticed she was really vague about her own statistics? We don't know anything about her, but on his side she paints a picture of her rival being highly motivated and influential. It is not wonder he has been promoted quickly and will possibly become her boss.

We don't know anything other than she is middle management and jilted. What has she accomplished at work? Does she have a degree? If so what kind and from where?

Has she had any run ins with senior management? Was her annual evaluation so so?

I didn't see an example of gender bias. All the things described are examples of how talented people rise. Emulation might be the best strategy.

To me, it looks like he is just out-slicking you. You seem to have met up with a smooth operator, so you now need to find a way to best him on the climb up the ladder, or he will surely pass you.

Don't think like a victim, like he shouldn't be doing that to you. Learn from what you see as effective techniques, and make them work for you.

This guy has been enabled by co-workers that simply "buckle under" and follow him. Either he is a brilliant leader or just a jerk surrounded by passive people who won't stand up to him. He has achieved his quasi-status by bullying in a passive aggressive way. Confronting him in the way suggested is unlikely to have any effect. If you or management are not prepared to push back aggressively (most males respond best to that - sorry it's biology) than I would simply ignore his tasking and continue doing your job in the best way you know how and follow the golden rule of work - worry only about your superiors (the hands that feed) - everyone else is secondary.