When friends don't assist

Question:

I think my friends think I have poor work habits and that's why I am not succeeding on the job.  I need their help to find a new job, but they don't seem inclined to help.  What should I do?

Answer:

There's a lot of territory to cover in that question.  First, have you asked your friends if they think you are handling things correctly on the job?  That's the only way that you will know for sure if they think you are a poor worker.

If, when you ask, they tell you what they think you should be doing, resist the urge to get defensive and just listen. Ask why they think you are doing the wrong thing. Ask how they would do things differently. Write down some of their suggestions. If your friends are really unhappy with your work habits, taking their concerns seriously is a first step towards getting them back on your side.

Once you know what they really think of you as a worker, it will be easier to ask for help with your job search. If they have issues with your work habits or style, they may not be willing to get personally involved in your search, since they don't want to be associated too closely with you. You can still solicit their help in your search by identifying the type of job you would like next as well as the companies where those jobs are likely to be found. Using this list of companies, you can ask your friends what they know about them and request names of people you can contact. This allows your friends to help you, while letting you stand on your own reputation to search.

If these people are truly your friends and if they really are pulling away from you whenever you talk about work or ask for help in your job search, you may have a deeper problem on your hands. Either these people are not actually the good friends you think they are, or your work-related behavior has been so egregious that they basically refuse to deal with you on that front. Whichever one of these is the real issue, it's going to require you to do some serious thinking about what changes you need to make, either in yourself, or in your friends.

By

Karen Chopra

 |  March 8, 2010; 6:07 AM ET  |  Category:  Job Search , Young People Save & Share:                 
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Posted by: nall92 | March 12, 2010 8:59 AM
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