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Khalil and Gyamfi: Good, but could have been better
By Fred Hiatt, editorial page editor
Okay, I get to go first this time, so I'll strike out with a bold opinion: There's a lot to like in both these columns -- and room for improvement, too.
I like Khalil's opening (fun) and her description of Washington taxis (accurate and funny without being patronizing). I like the unexpected twist (that the cabbies are as divided as the think tanks) leading her to say that, in the end, Obama has to make up his own mind. And I like her strong advocacy for the idea that deciding time is over -- time to make a move.
But... because the cabbies ultimately don't give us a good policy answer, their part of the column should have been shorter. And in the second half, Khalil seems torn between offering advice of her own, and just telling Obama to get on with it. She seems to have a point of view (that the United States should prove that it has "the stomach or the capability to engage in modern day nation building") but after tip-toeing up to that argument, she doesn't make it full-throatedly -- instead, she retreats to the decisiveness argument, without telling Obama what to do.
Gyamfi also does a good job of using a recent event to make a bigger point. Like Khalil, she held my attention. She shows us why something that seems obvious (how could those people not have called the cops!?) might be more complex than we think at first.
But... she has a boring lead. This would have been a better place to start:
The first time I was a witness to a violent crime in progress, I was a feisty 18-year-old living in Oakland, Calif. I woke up to the sound of banging against my wall and someone crying and screaming, "No! No! Please. Stop."
And then I wanted her to give me more specifics, more substance, on what could be done to encourage reporting of crimes, to ease the fears of people who do the right thing and to lessen the chances that they will be victims of retribution. "Communities need to find ways..." is never an encouraging opening. But (on the third hand) let's also remember we didn't give our contestants much time to do that kind of research and reporting.
Fred Hiatt
| November 3, 2009; 12:00 AM ET | Category: Judge: Fred Hiatt , Lydia Khalil critiques , Maame Gyamfi critiques , round oneShare: Email a Friend |
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Posted by: martymar123 | November 3, 2009 7:58 AM
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If Fred Hiatt got to go first this time, why is his entry last? Could you please place these entries in a logical order so that when I read "I agree with Fred" I already have some idea of what the writer is agreeing with.
Ms.Gyamfi's lead-in may have been boring to you, but I simply found it matter-of-fact and leading into an issue I would be likely to care about. I was not bothered by it. Once I started reading, the power of her words carried me along.
I responded viscerally. If a writer can make me do that, the rest is probably just editing, but watch how you edit her pieces because this lady can connect with her readers and you don't want to edit that out. My response may be based on my gender. I'll go back and see what the female of the trio had to say.
Khalil's piece: If she is going to try to offer policy advice on Afghanistan, then I have to know "who" she is. Why should I listen to her rather than to Kathy Griffin. She needs to convince me she's worth hearing. Much was made of the cabbie slant. I was assuming, due to her background, this writer might be privy to some conversations in Arabic that most people couldn't understand. But I don't think she ever said so.
Posted by: martymar123 | November 3, 2009 7:40 AM
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The first time I had a column tossed back at me, I was angry and hurt. I'd poured my heart into the piece. Who was the editor to tell me that the top needed work, that I needed to strengthen my argument?
But time brings maturity, both to adolescents and writers. After 20 years as a reporter, columnist and blogger, I've learned that a sensitive, demanding editor can sharpen an article so it grabs a reader's intellect and emotions.
Every writer needs an editor; especially if the writer is a novice like Gyamfi.
I agree with Fred; Gyamfi's lead was boring. But rewriting the top would only take minutes. The body of the piece was thoughtful and provocative. With pushing and prodding from a good editor, her column can shine.
That's why she should go to the next level in this "American Idol" competition for pundits.
Posted by: aoscruggs | November 2, 2009 11:20 PM
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I tried to post a comment here, and it doesn't appear. Please, could you put these judge comments in a logical order. I am having trouble navigating this feature.