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Not their best work
By Autumn Brewington, assistant editorial page editor
For their final column assignment, both writers took on a daunting topic in the news, and assessing these last efforts was tough.
During this contest I have been impressed with Kevin's range and his writing. He has been amusing and even laugh-out-loud funny, and conveying humor in writing is not easy. So I was ready to be entertained by his column -- and then I wasn't sure what theme was supposed to be the comic relief: Sarah Palin's Facebook posts? That Kevin's being dragged away from football?
At first I thought the point of the column would be the controversy over the new mammography guidelines. Then I wondered what Texas's tort reform had to do with mammograms. From Kevin's use of facts and figures, I eventually got that his point was about the broader health-care debate and cost controls. Readers shouldn't have to work that hard.
It was stylistically good that he came back to the missed football at the column's end, but it was so far from the original hook that I found the reference jarring.
Kevin aimed high, and I liked that he had links to back up his data points, but I agree with Gene that the tongue-in-cheek style did not serve him well here.
Zeba's effort was less complicated, and she did a better job of hitting her target. She stuck to a basic tip in journalism: Write what you know. (She has done that in previous assignments, such as her blog post on Detroit and her initial entry, on social networks and women of the Web.) So, points for picking a topic that broadly reaches people and making it personal.
But the column moved way too slowly! She spent 108 words -- about 15 percent of a 700-word column -- on the first paragraph. It's not a good sign when I'm mentally striking out extraneous words as I'm reading (Which clause of this sentence doesn't say the same thing as the other two? "I am a 'live within my means' kind of woman, have never run up my credit cards and have always loved finding hidden treasures on the racks at Goodwill.")
I liked that she introduced information about the Freelancers Union and stuck to her theme -- high health-insurance costs for freelancers. But I wondered, as Gene did, whether President Obama had "frequently" repeated that specific line about the Democratic health plan. And I wished Zeba had spent more time answering her own question: "So why, then, is Freelancers Union founder Sara Horowitz angry at the Obama administration and Congress over the health-care proposals meandering through Washington?"
I'd say Zeba's serious column was ultimately better than Kevin's, but she aimed lower than Kevin did and her effort was a bit clunky.
Autumn Brewington
| November 23, 2009; 10:32 AM ET | Category: Judge: Autumn Brewington , Kevin Huffman critiques , Zeba Khan critiques , finalShare: Email a Friend |
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Posted by: douglaslbarber | November 24, 2009 12:54 AM
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Thanx fellas..well, I assume you are that...uh...fellas? Anyway, hope you can check out my comment on Eugene Robinson critique...my salute to y'all. As I say, Keep writing!
Posted by: mfkpadrefan | November 23, 2009 9:18 PM
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Re: ABC clip, agree with MSJS. Visuals worked against Zeba. 3 men at a table, and then her, apart, and at one point she was interrupted mid-sentence and looked a little stunned. Whereas Kevin looked as if he belonged in the setting, and sound as if he did. But I think he is already a Washington "belonger" , at least that is how I read it.
Posted by: martymar123 | November 23, 2009 5:23 PM
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Haven't seen the ABC clip yet...
MFKPF, I think you have nailed it:
"Kevin wanted to watch Ohio State-Michigan but he had homework to do!"
While I found Kevin's piece funny at the start, I had trouble following it. It made more sense when I read it again, but as others have said, a reader shouldn't have to do that.
BUT: If you superimpose an important football game on the column, as MFKPF has done with his comment---it makes perfect sense. Let's hope if Kevin wins, his Wapo deadlines will not interfere with his TV sports viewing....
Posted by: martymar123 | November 23, 2009 5:10 PM
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Hi MFKPadreFan. Good to hear from you.
I fully get your perspective. Thanks for weighing in.
After reading today's columns and watching the ABC clip, the operative word for me is 'underwhelmed.' At least as far as punditry is concerned.
I hope WaPo's objectives are met with this contest. It'll be interesting to see how the social networks kick into gear on behalf of their favorite.
Posted by: MsJS | November 23, 2009 4:36 PM
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I think I disagree with my cyberspace friends Marty and MSJS. This was a pretty good critique of both pieces but I probably say that because we saw the same main points. Kevin was disjointed and unfunny, and Zeta didn't finish her main thesis...why is the Freelancers plan at odds with the Obama reform plan? Also, I do think Ms. Brewington read the previous work as her comments showed that perspective.
However Ms Brewington, I did get the football thing. Kevin wanted to watch Ohio State-Michigan but he had homework to do!
Posted by: mfkpadrefan | November 23, 2009 4:16 PM
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Agree with MSJS, except the drinks. This assessment leaves me with the impression that the writer of it possibly did not read the forgoing pieces, or not too closely.
Understandable, but that's what I get out of this.
Posted by: martymar123 | November 23, 2009 3:57 PM
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I'm not so sure about your assessment.
I've read and reread the works of the final two and this is about as good as it gets, at least with respect to longer works.
Neither has demonstrated to this reader the ability to use 700-750 words well. Time after time I'm left feeling I've just read a 250-300 word column buried in a lot of extraneous fluff.
I wish the WaPo editors well as they redraft the winner's work. If any of you come through The Windy City during that time, I'll buy you a round and you can tell me how it's going.
Posted by: MsJS | November 23, 2009 1:06 PM
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Zeba's final column struck me as special pleading for a personal case weakened by arguing that a person without income for four months, living in their parents' home, is aptly described as a "consultant".
I've been there and done that, so I don't hold it against her, but I think I time comes when it's better to say "I'm out of work!"