The League

David Aldridge
Sports Reporter

David Aldridge

A nationally recognized sports journalist.

Father Jones Knows Best

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Lots of current and past head coaches, like Bill Belichick and Bill Parcells, prohibit their assistant coaches from speaking to the media. But Jones is the only NFL owner with the commonsense to take it to the next level and put a gag order on everybody in his organization, from head coach Wade Phillips on down, to cut down on what Jones called incorrect information being leaked out of Valley Ranch. Jones is the only one, he says, who has enough information to see the "big picture" of what the Cowboys are trying to accomplish.

I think this policy is profound. In fact, I have just put a gag order on my family.

No more leaks about unpaid bills, diaper rash and my unhealthy obsession with our next-door-neighbor divorcée.

I know my wife is a grown-ass woman with two advanced degrees, who's 10 times smarter than I am. But who is she to talk with our oldest son's teacher about what schools in the area are best for his education? I'm the one who has all the relevant info on location, tuition and admission policies. I'm the one who should disclose that he no longer loves Thomas the Tank Engine and now prefers Roary the Racing Car. That kind of privileged info only needs to come from me.

I've always suspected the 4-year-old of leaking. And I don't mean out of his Go Diego, Go underpants, either. He's way too friendly with his relatives, always kissing them and hugging them and reading with them. And he "plays" with his fellow classmates in Miss Betty's class much too closely. This is how rumors get started. I've got my eye on you, buddy.

The 2-year-old tries to be sneaky, acting like he's just learning to speak. The other day, he said 'hi, da-da' and 'hi, mama.' I was behind a plant at the time (like Jerry, I'm putting in a few "devices" throughout the house for "warrantless intelligence gathering" on my "family"). I now know that 'ba-ba' is code for "I want more spaghetti." No telling what he's disclosing to the other toddlers. The 19-month-girl that acts like she has a crush on him? TMZ plant. What do you think, I was born yesterday?

Good on ya, Jerry.

By David Aldridge  |  February 23, 2009; 8:03 AM ET  | Category:  Dallas Cowboys , David Aldridge , NFL Save & Share:  Send E-mail   Facebook   Twitter   Digg   Yahoo Buzz   Del.icio.us   StumbleUpon   Technorati  
Previous: Jonesing for a GM | Next: Can You Gag Anonymity?

Comments

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is this sarcasm or mere stupdity?

I can't tell.

Posted by: dubya19391 | February 23, 2009 6:32 PM

With a name like dubya, I don't wonder that you're confused.

It was sarcasm, though a bit overdone. But go easy on Dave, he's not much practiced at editorial sarcasm. He's more used to straitlaced stuff.

Posted by: whizbang9a | February 23, 2009 8:56 PM

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