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Dan Levy
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Dan Levy

The host of On the DL with new episodes every weekday.

A Comeback in Non-Sequential Bills, Please


If you've seen one bad cop drama, you've seen them all. You know the one where the scene is set for the lobby of a giant gothic-style bank. The cameras flash to a guy who seems a little too nervous while standing in line for the next available teller.

Yes, you've seen this episode before. Every time you see that nondescript character nervously waiting for his turn at the teller window you know what is coming next.

A handwritten note to fill the bag full of money or else.

A teller trying to reach the silent alarm with no luck.

Unnecessary gunfire into the air and -- bam-o -- we've got ourselves a hostage situation.

Brett Favre is nervously waiting his turn at the teller window. And it looks like he has a handwritten note in his hand. Someone just tackle him now before we have to spend the rest of this show -- or in this case, the entire off-season -- waiting for this storyline to unfold.

And that's all this is, really. It's a storyline. Brett Favre isn't a player anymore. He's a storyline. When he retired from Green Bay, we thought it was finally over. But he got back in line at the bank. Favre ostensibly asked to be traded by handing the Packers' brass a scribbled note through a teller window -- and thus began the hostage situation of last year. Both the Packers and the American football fan were held hostage by Favre's inability to realize that it was time to move on. The Packers managed to negotiate themselves out of the situation by trading Favre to the Jets (in a great plot twist, by the way, as most didn't see that coming) yet somehow the rest of us were still stuck in that lobby.

The storyline continued throughout the season and the further and further we went, the more we realized there was no way out for Favre. Our long national nightmare was over. The Jets didn't make the playoffs, Favre was going to retire and we could all go back to our regular banking needs.

But here he is again, standing in line, clutching another scrap of paper with a handwritten note on it. Do we really need this again? Haven't we seen this episode already? Why would this be any different than the last hold-up? At least in the one last year we got the requisite scene where the police officer inexplicably finagles his way into the bank in exchange for the women, children and two security guards. (One cop for all those people? I never understand that plot point.)

You know what usually happens next. The cop talks with the robber to understand why he's doing it. It's not for his personal glory. No, Favre needed to hold America hostage because his kid got sick or he lost his money in a ponzi scheme or something that made you realize that he's just a regular guy... just like any one of us. He's not a sociopath. He's just looking for a way out.

And invariably the cop helps him realize there's no other outcome but to surrender. "It's the only way." Until he walks outside and some sniper with a happy trigger finger takes him out. Nooooooooo. He he was just like us!!!!!!!

Brett Favre is not just like us. And for some reason, nobody took him out last season. He surrendered peacefully. But that's not Brett Favre. He couldn't let us move on without him. He still has something left in the tank. Right? His 22-22 TD-INT ratio proves that, right? His last fives games with the Jets, including a 1-4 record with two touchdowns to nine interceptions and nine sacks proves he has something left in the... oh, wait.

We've seen this show before. And each time we see it again it gets more predicable and that little part of us rooting for the robber wanes. Now we're just rooting for someone to put him out of his misery. Will Favre go to the Vikings? Probably. They need a quarterback and Minnesota seems the most likely place for a guy like Favre. Afterall, what better location to show your undying fans in Green Bay that you care more about yourself than you ever cared about them.

So yes, going to Minnesota would be a fitting end to this story. I just hope this time, somebody puts him out of his misery at the end. If not, expect to see him back in line next year, clutching another handwritten scrap of paper.

By Dan Levy  |  May 4, 2009; 9:40 AM ET  | Category:  Dan Levy , Green Bay Packers , Minnesota Vikings , New York Jets Save & Share:  Send E-mail   Facebook   Twitter   Digg   Yahoo Buzz   StumbleUpon   Technorati  
Previous: Hamlet Worth the Drama | Next: Don't Board Viking Ship

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